Over a month ago I added words to book 2 in my series. Last night I finally added a few more. Life has been complicated in ways I thought I could deal with. Obviously, that was not the case. 2 weeks ago I gave up. But let me start over.
Book 2 has been a real struggle for me. I’m still fleshing out details. I’m trying to put the finishing touches on our basement. My yard really looks bad compared to all of my neighbors. My wife is going to school, my second child has entered junior high and work is well…crappy. I get emails every week from David Farland (extremely awesome author and writing expert) telling me how to improve my writing. I belong to 2 writing groups that I don’t really attend. One group is doing Comic Con in Salt Lake City. They should have a ton of success. A bunch of writer’s I know are doing panels at Comic Con and writing conferences.
My book hasn’t sold an online copy in over a month. My current financial situation doesn’t include funds for marketing.
This isn’t meant to be a pity party. Just the facts-ish. I realized that I was stressing out too much about being a crappy author. Not having time to write, not having a solid direction to write and failure of my only book staring in my face were making me super cranky and unhappy. So I quit.
Is there regret with giving up on your dream? Yes. Will I ever go back to it? Maybe. Am I happier since I gave it up? Mostly. Those successful authors are still friends on Facebook so I still get updates on things I’m not involved in and won’t ever be so I have a reminder of what I left behind. I’m trying to just be happy for them.
And here is the point: when I write because I want to tell a story, I like it. When I write because I feel pressured to keep writing because that’s how I’m going to be successful, I hate it. Last night I wrote because I wanted to. It wasn’t much, probably not very good but that is okay.
Peace comes with understanding. I became an author for a while. But me being an author isn’t my family’s priority right now. I can always say I published a book. My grandkids can read it. There may even be a whole series someday. For now, that part of my life is at peace.
Rest in peace.
This is the Novel Mage saying, *POOF*